Post by Press1269 on Feb 14, 2020 20:26:06 GMT
PHILO B. POPE: “That girl ain’t right..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I’m not saying shit. Cause… you know… what you just said.”
PHILO B. POPE: “I don’t know why Sam...yeah you’re right. I’m not saying shit either.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Is like watching an old married couple though.”
As the lights go dim all throughout the arena the strains of the David Bowie classic "Starman" begins to play over the PA. Gradually, as the song build to the chorus, the lights begin to brighten until just before the chorus everything goes dark but for one spot light.
"There's a Starman, Waiting in the Sky. He'd like to come and meet us, but he thinks he'd blow our minds..."
Out from the back steps a figure in a unitard full of bright colors and shapes, with matching arm warmers. He is heavily made up, with vibrant red-orange hair and a golden circle in the middle of his forehead. It takes most a few moments to recognize Johnny Raike, done up as he is in the visage of Ziggy Stardust.
PHILO B. POPE: “Bet you won’t say nothing about Halloween right now. Check The Sissyboy Savior out. He’s dead serious and full on Ziggy Stardust..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: ”Well… those who can’t… imitate. TAKE THAT, RAIKE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh what’s the point.”
The American Wet Dream saunters to the ring, lip synching the song as he goes and stopping to pose for a pair of photos. He slides into the ring and poses in the corner, before taking off the wig he is wearing.
RHONDA ARMSTRONG: "Introducing first, from Astoria, Queens, New York, weighing in at 'the hell if I'm telling you', he is the David Bowie of Professional Wrestling, JOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHNNNHNNYYYYYY!!!!! RAIKE!!
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “So, am I gonna get in trouble if I don’t pronounce his name right, or look at him funny?”
PHILO B. POPE: “Of course not. It’s pronounced...NUUUUUUKES.”
Slash ft. Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators 'World On Fire' hits the sound system and the lights go down. Smoke begins filling the stage as we hear the opening of the song. A few riffs of a guitar, then when the drums hit and lyrics kick in, Luke Knux comes out from the back in his usual attire. A cigarette hangs from his lips as he walks out staring down the crowd. He points over to the band playing his music and then raises the metal horns. He puts them down and begins down the ramp.
RHONDA ARMSTRONG: ”Hailing from Castle Knux on Knuxy Island, weighing in at 190 pounds, he is the Suicidal Scumbag, LUKE KNNNNNUUXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “LUUUUUKE!!!! Am I saying it right???”
Luke is now at the end of the ramp as he stops to look around the arena. Knux takes the last hit of the cigarette and then tosses it on the ground and stomps it out. He runs and slides into the ring before hopping up to his feet and leaning over the ropes. He points to his head, fingers like a gun, and fires. He walks backwards and spins around before handing off his entrance gear. He then leans against the corner and waits for the match to begin.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Wow.. look at him, Philo? A bona fide ROCK… GOD… and some sort of queer astronaut. What is this business coming to?!”
REF calls for the bell and the two competitors circle each other. Raike’s tribute to his fallen idol is clearly throwing off the rock god standing across from him. Raike initiates the fight, rushing Luke with a barrage of kicks and quick punches. He backs Knux up against the ropes and whips him off real quick, running behind him so that when Knux hits the ropes, Raike is there to take him down with a leaping lung blower.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “That’s funny… all of a sudden Luke doesn’t have that same lustre he once had in my eyes… I don’t know what it is.”
PHILO B. POPE: “Johnny Raike is a lot to take in. Especially when he is right in your face..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “He’s David Bowie, Philo. Hello? Fashion Icon? Musical impressario? Visionary? What… Luke Knux would suddenly be off his game if Johnny had dressed up like Andy Warhol or something instead? Pheh. I think I’m over Luke-y.”
He rolls on top of him for a quick pin but Knux is able to break it before the referee can even slam a hand down. Quickly Raike’s back to his feet, taunting the rock superstar to get up. Knux doesn’t even get a chance to stand upright once he starts receiving a barrage of kicks to his midsection and quads. One connects to the back of Luke’s knee and causes it to buckle, leading to him falling down on one knee like he’s getting ready to propose. The Sissy Saviour feigns interest like an 18 year old virgin being asked to the prom by the quarterback but then immediately fakes leaning in for a kiss with the baby ace crusher. Raike tries for a cover but Knux has a foot on the ropes before he’s even mounted the pin, so REF refuses to even go down.
PHILO B. POPE: “Knux knows right where he is at all times inside of the squared circle like any veteran does..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Hmmmm…. Luke needs… something… I bet it’s cause he didn’t meet me after the last show. That’s it.”
Johnny’s annoyed over the cheap trick and drags Luke away from the ropes. As he has a hold on Knux’s arm, the Suicidal Scumbag snaps a leg up and around real quick, rolling Raike forward into an armbar. It’s countered by Raike, turning the hold by twisting the arm then leaping over into a headlock.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Gotta admit, this might be the weirdest thing anyone’s ever seen in a wrestling ring. A guy in a sparkly gymnasts uniform and full-on face paint facing some sort of… I don’t even know what you’d CALL Luke Knux. A Vampire, maybe?”
PHILO B. POPE: “Vampires! Imagine that..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Yeah… hilarious. Silly fictional monsters. Even if Luke Knux is clearly sustained by the blood of the living… which could have been mine if he wasn’t currently residing in a REAL castle somewhere.”
Knux counters the headlock with an arm twist before it can be properly locked in and as he lets go, both hands make their way to the eyes of Johnny, raking his face! Both men are on their knees now, trying to get back up. Raike has a hand over his face which partially obstructs his view just long enough for Luke to shove him through the ring ropes he was ever so close to. The Suicidal Scumbag hops up to his feet and grabs a hold of the top rope as he waits for his opponent to get up, even finding time to locate a pretty girl in the crowd and impregnate her with a mere look. On the floor Raike is finally up. He sees Luke pull himself over the top rope with a suicide dive and decides to move out of the way allowing the rock star to crash hard.
PHILO B. POPE: “He’s going to have a hangover from that!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Did you see that? He just knocked that one girl up?! See it? Just by lookin at her! I can tell these things! What’s she got that I don’t got?!”
Raike rolls in and out of the ring to break the count, coming back out with a kick to the back of Knux’s head. He drags him to his feet and shoves him backwards into the barrier, which he follows up with a hard right handed chop to the chest. Knux tries to bail but he’s stopped and receives another chop on the outside sending him towards the barrier once again. Luke shoves him to create some distance but Raike’s right back on him with another hard chop, this time grabbing onto him after and tossing him back into the ring. The crowd cheers as both men are on their feet.
PHILO B. POPE: “I knew this was going to be more of a catfight than a wrestling match and here we are!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Well… I mean… Raike’s not letting up. Gotta give him that. And Luke’s safely out past sunset so he won’t be disintegrating any time soon, this isn’t THAT bad…”
Knux is the first to strike with a series of elbow attacks. He pushes Raike back and whips him across the ring, running to meet him. Raike slides under and through Knux’s legs, continuing onto the otherside of the ring where he bounces off the ropes and is taken down almost instantly with a hard spinning heel kick.
PHILO B. POPE: “Fast paced action just took Raike’s head off!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Sure, but will he notice? And Knux? COME ON LUKE.. DO SOMETHING AWESOME!”
The Suicidal Scumbag begins to drag Raike up holding him in place for a gut wrench suplex. He tries to lift him but Raike is refusing to budge so Luke lands a few hard elbows to the back of his head, which does the trick as lifts and slams Raike down hard.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “DAMN RIGHT!”
Knux begins to head towards the turnbuckle although he notices that Raike is already on his hands and knees, so this time he runs in with a kick to Johnny’s ribs. Following that he’s on the attack quickly, butterflying Johnny’s arms behind his back and launching him up with a butterfly suplex!
PHILO B. POPE: “Knux is laying it all out there tonight! He is looking to utterly destroy Every Sissyboy’s Savior!”
Knux points to the turnbuckle and climbs it quickly, making sure to give that girl in the crowd another look, just in case security didn’t know which one to tap on the shoulder with a VIP pass to Castle Knux after the show.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “HE’S CHECKING OUT THAT ONE BITCH, AGAIN!!! I’ll kill her. I swear.”
Once he’s ready, to the roar of approval from the crowd, Knux leaps back and connects with a flawless moonsault.
1...
2....
PHILO B. POPE: “THREE!!!”
The Sissy Saviour is able to kick out at the last moment, not quite ready to give it up yet.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “NO!? Who figured the Thigh High Thriller had that kick out in him?”
Knux has other ideas and uses the brief moment after the pin to try and lock in the Suicidal Stretch. Johnny fights it as best he can, eventually pulling himself towards the ropes in the process, allowing himself to triumphantly grab a hold of the bottom rope. Raike pulls himself up on the ropes as REF holds Knux back in the interest of fair competition. As soon as Raike is up, Luke has pushed past REF to leap forwards, grabbing his opponents head in a front headlock position and with the help of the ring ropes, he bounces from the second to the third before rebounding off into the air, connecting with a springboard DDT that flattens Raike out on impact!
1...
2...
Kickout!
PHILO B. POPE: “Get the fuck out of here!!! Raike just kicked again?!!?”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I’m starting to wonder if I wanna let that one bitch have Knux… I mean… he’s not even capable of keeping Raike down. Yeah, you know who you is, whore… yeah… that’s right. Uh oh. She’s eyeing me down. Oh… she’s coming over here. Pretend we’re calling the match, Philo.”
Raike is defiant in his kick out. His body shakes, pulsing with energy that is powering him on as Knux tries to wear him down with punches on the ground. Both are back up quickly, Johnny absorbing all the fists and elbows that are coming his way. Raike with a kick of his own now.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Say what you will about Raike… bastard can take a beating. Him and that Stevie guy should hook up. PLATONICALLY, I mean!”
A second connects to Knux’s chest quickly followed by a third. Knux is taken aback by this sudden surge and finds himself being irish whipped across the ring and coming face to face with a Pele kick on his way back which stumbles him a bit. A hard superkick from Raike forces him to stumble backwards, almost losing his footing completely.
PHILO B. POPE: “The hard rocker just got rocked!”
Knux is backed up in the corner, hanging onto the ropes to keep himself upright. Raike runs in with the Yakuza kick but Knux ducks under, hooking Raikes leg and within seconds powers Raike up high on his shoulders, turning and slamming Raike down into the turnbuckle with the Buckle Bomb! He grabs Raike in a headlock as he stumbles forward, signalling for the Scumbag Salute! Raike powers through it and lifts him up for a back body drop.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Shiiiiit. These two Knuxcases are gonna break some records for most twists and turns in a match. Get it? Knuxcases???”
They’re both up quickly, Raike sees that Knux is near the turnbuckle and runs in, nailing him with a front dropkick that bounces the man into the corner. He rolls backwards to his feet and charges in again, this time connecting with a vicious Yakuza kick.
PHILO B. POPE: “Now I know that’s going to give Knuxy a hangover! Or feel like it anyway!”
His leg lingering over the top rope momentarily, Raike pulls himself back into the ring fully as the rock and roll star stumbles forwards and right into the waiting arms of Johnny who caught him with a small package driver!
PHILO B. POPE: “JOHNNY’S FULL FRONTAL?!!?!!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “WHAT?! NO WAY!”
1...
2...
3..!!
PHILO B. POPE: “Wow! What an incredible match and a fitting tribute by Johnny Raike to the late, great David Bowie.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I know. Who knew Luke Knux wasn’t invincible?”
Just as Rhonda Armstrong raises the microphone to her lips to announce the winner, the opening strums of ‘Stranglehold’ by Ted Nugent echo throughout the arena, cutting her off.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Wait.. Philo.. you said that word… but it was at least an hour ago, right? Are these two on some sort of time delay?”
PHILO B. POPE: “I don’t know. Let’s hope they’re just here to get the main event started off..”
The BombTrax burst through the curtain before the breakdown has a chance to begin, stalking side by side down towards the ring, the ‘Press Pass’ firmly in the big man’s grip. Johnny Raike’s eyes grow to the size of saucers, and he can see mouthing ‘bullshit’, as Luke Knux rubs his head in confusion.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I thought Munin agreed to Raike’s contractual clause?! Looks like the BombTrax just don’t give a fuck!”
Rhonda promptly exits the ring, as 4Loco looks on quizzically, and checks his clipboard for the unannounced entrance. Both men reach the ring at the same time, and hops up on the apron as Press grabs the top rope, and rises up in one motion. Both men stare at the two men in the ring with baleful expressions, before easing between the bottom and middle rope.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “There are three things that scare Johnny Raike more than The BombTrax. One, of course, IS ME! Two, naturally, is nuclear war. And three… well forget the third cause the Damn BombTrax are in the ring and we don’t need to remember numbers no more!”
Johnny Raike is damn near beside himself as he shakes his head no, and balls his fists up, ready for a fight. Luke, more cautious, but not going to back down either, stands there waiting with a stoic expression.
PHILO B. POPE: “Would Raike ever team with Knux? Even in a moment like this?”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “If the chips are down, sure. Or if the price is right. Or if Raike and Luke became best budz. Or if they got engaged. Or if they were tied together in a lasso. Or if they were caught hula hooping or… well… I’m sure this is a bad time for meaningless conjecture seeing as Raike’s about to get a huge cash payout from P.A.W. for whatever the BombTrax are about to do.”
Press allows a wicked grin in Raike’s direction, and then winks at the most liberated man in professional wrestling, and jerks his thumb towards the rampway.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “He’s… hitchhiking maybe…?”
The BombTrax step aside, giving him plenty of room to exit. Raike stares at them for a second in surprise, but doesn’t hesitate to take the offered exit, diving between the ropes to land on the floor, and make his way up the rampway.
PHILO B. POPE: “Looks like Knux needs a partner, partner..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “No way. What did Knux do to them?!”
When the two men turn back to face Luke Knux, its obvious he wasn’t expecting that, the realization dawning on him that they were here for him. Luke shrugged, and then with lightning speed dove towards the two men. He caught Youth around the midsection, trying to drive him to the ground, but only knocking him into the ropes. Both of the smaller men began trading blows, Youth taking shots to the ribs by Knux, and Luke taking blows to the back of the head by Youth.
PHILO B. POPE: “This is ridiculous! I can not believe what I’m seeing.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH (with a loud, disappointed sigh): “Was nice knowing ya, Luke.”
The fighting spirit, however, isn’t allowed to last, as Press steps in and plants a vicious chair shot across Luke’s back. The Rock N’ Rolla slumps to his knees, and is dragged over to a corner where the two begin a series of stomps and punches that is nothing short of a mugging.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Well.. admiring you from a distance, rather. These buggers are all but gonna disfigure him. And we have the best, and or worst, seats in the house!”
Press drags Knux out from the corner, and sends him hard into the opposite side with a vicious Irish whip, and when he impacts with the turnbuckle, he’s sent stumbling back out only to meet the heel of Youth’s boot in a massive super kick. Luke hits the mat hard, reaching up to grip at his throbbing jaw, as Youth drops down over top of him, reigning right hands down into the man’s face.
PHILO B. POPE: “That kick had a whiplash like effect on the neck of Luke Knux. He is in serious trouble..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Duh. It’s the BombTrax. Just be glad Luke’s body is cushioning most of the blows from hitting his sexy brain.”
Press tosses his ‘Press Pass’ off to the side, and exits the ring over near the announce table.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Uhhhh.. why is that Rhino getting so close to our car, Philo…?”
Youth pulls himself up off of Knux, and begins stomping at him, each boot sending him closer and closer to the ring apron, until with a final kick he’s sent sprawling to the floor.
PHILO B. POPE: “They’re getting a little too close for comfort!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “You got a window you can roll up or something? Tell him we don’t want any.”
PHILO B. POPE: “I want off this ride!”
Press jerks the Rock God up to his feet by a fistful of hair, and drags him over to bang his head off the announce table.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “SCREW THIS NEW AND IMPROVED CRAP, I’M OUT.”
As Constance and Philo vacate their station, Press pulls Luke away from the table, tucks his head between his legs, and then hoists him up, and drives him down in a perfectly executed Press Release Powerbomb. The table explodes into a million pieces upon impact, and all that remains of Luke Knux is a lifeless crumpled form amongst the wreckage.
PHILO B. POPE: “HOLY SHIT!!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “MY RESUME!”
Youth, after retrieving the ‘Press Pass’ and exiting the ring, takes a mic from the production area, and tosses it to Press. The big man hovers over the prone body at his feet, and looks out at the mass that is the Pure faithful.
PRESS: “You know, this wasn’t really apart of the plan.”
He points down to Knux, a remorseful expression on his face.
PRESS: “I mean, after all, I’m a fan of the Scumbags! I love Rock music! Last show, during the concert, me and Youth sat off stage with a few beers, and thought, man, this guy’s going to be a legend. Nah, Luke, we don’t really have a problem with you.”
Press smirked, and then turned his attention towards the announce team, specifically Constance Church.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “He must mean you, Philo.”
PRESS: “You know, I thought our first show was pretty good. We went out there and did something that few in this business care about anymore, and that’s making everyone look like a star. Making sure everyone in the match got over. But as we sat on our couch watching the DVD, we heard this constant malignant tumor pipe in throughout the entire fucking show, without a monochrome of respect for the individuals trying to put forth their effort. Matter of fact, this cunt didn’t seem to have a kind word for anyone except for one individual.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I called you a Yeti! Where I come from that’s the next best thing to being called the damned President… Help me out, Philo, seriously. I'm too young and pretty to die.”
Press smirked, and waved his hand to indicate the crumpled humanity at his feet. He then slowly strode towards the announce team, who shrank back from his presence, and came to a stop to loom over Constance Church.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Eeep..”
PRESS: “You see, Constance, poor old Knuxy here was an exclamation point for you, since he seems to be the only one around here to cream your Twinkie. It’s a friendly reminder, to you from us, that the next time you call one of our matches you’d best put some forethought into the bullshit you usher out of your mouth, or the next person that gets through a table around here could be you.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “....”
He turned to make his exit, tossing the mic back to Youth, who sauntered over with a grin.
FLAMING YOUTH: “And before you go running to Sam & Munin with tears in your eyes, and all that…make sure to read the fine print in your contract. You’re on-air talent. It’d be all legal. And just let me say, Philo…….You the man!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I-That… uh... I’m not afrai- Uhm.. Philo… you coward! You're supposed to be my announce partner!”
Youth throws his fist out to Philo who bumps it with his own, and Youth joins Press as they trek back up the ramp. Constance moves in beside Philo who simply shrugs.
PHILO B. POPE: “I sure hope someone, anyone, has something planned backstage!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I’m not saying shit. Cause… you know… what you just said.”
PHILO B. POPE: “I don’t know why Sam...yeah you’re right. I’m not saying shit either.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Is like watching an old married couple though.”
As the lights go dim all throughout the arena the strains of the David Bowie classic "Starman" begins to play over the PA. Gradually, as the song build to the chorus, the lights begin to brighten until just before the chorus everything goes dark but for one spot light.
"There's a Starman, Waiting in the Sky. He'd like to come and meet us, but he thinks he'd blow our minds..."
Out from the back steps a figure in a unitard full of bright colors and shapes, with matching arm warmers. He is heavily made up, with vibrant red-orange hair and a golden circle in the middle of his forehead. It takes most a few moments to recognize Johnny Raike, done up as he is in the visage of Ziggy Stardust.
PHILO B. POPE: “Bet you won’t say nothing about Halloween right now. Check The Sissyboy Savior out. He’s dead serious and full on Ziggy Stardust..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: ”Well… those who can’t… imitate. TAKE THAT, RAIKE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh what’s the point.”
The American Wet Dream saunters to the ring, lip synching the song as he goes and stopping to pose for a pair of photos. He slides into the ring and poses in the corner, before taking off the wig he is wearing.
RHONDA ARMSTRONG: "Introducing first, from Astoria, Queens, New York, weighing in at 'the hell if I'm telling you', he is the David Bowie of Professional Wrestling, JOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHNNNHNNYYYYYY!!!!! RAIKE!!
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “So, am I gonna get in trouble if I don’t pronounce his name right, or look at him funny?”
PHILO B. POPE: “Of course not. It’s pronounced...NUUUUUUKES.”
Slash ft. Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators 'World On Fire' hits the sound system and the lights go down. Smoke begins filling the stage as we hear the opening of the song. A few riffs of a guitar, then when the drums hit and lyrics kick in, Luke Knux comes out from the back in his usual attire. A cigarette hangs from his lips as he walks out staring down the crowd. He points over to the band playing his music and then raises the metal horns. He puts them down and begins down the ramp.
RHONDA ARMSTRONG: ”Hailing from Castle Knux on Knuxy Island, weighing in at 190 pounds, he is the Suicidal Scumbag, LUKE KNNNNNUUXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “LUUUUUKE!!!! Am I saying it right???”
Luke is now at the end of the ramp as he stops to look around the arena. Knux takes the last hit of the cigarette and then tosses it on the ground and stomps it out. He runs and slides into the ring before hopping up to his feet and leaning over the ropes. He points to his head, fingers like a gun, and fires. He walks backwards and spins around before handing off his entrance gear. He then leans against the corner and waits for the match to begin.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Wow.. look at him, Philo? A bona fide ROCK… GOD… and some sort of queer astronaut. What is this business coming to?!”
REF calls for the bell and the two competitors circle each other. Raike’s tribute to his fallen idol is clearly throwing off the rock god standing across from him. Raike initiates the fight, rushing Luke with a barrage of kicks and quick punches. He backs Knux up against the ropes and whips him off real quick, running behind him so that when Knux hits the ropes, Raike is there to take him down with a leaping lung blower.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “That’s funny… all of a sudden Luke doesn’t have that same lustre he once had in my eyes… I don’t know what it is.”
PHILO B. POPE: “Johnny Raike is a lot to take in. Especially when he is right in your face..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “He’s David Bowie, Philo. Hello? Fashion Icon? Musical impressario? Visionary? What… Luke Knux would suddenly be off his game if Johnny had dressed up like Andy Warhol or something instead? Pheh. I think I’m over Luke-y.”
He rolls on top of him for a quick pin but Knux is able to break it before the referee can even slam a hand down. Quickly Raike’s back to his feet, taunting the rock superstar to get up. Knux doesn’t even get a chance to stand upright once he starts receiving a barrage of kicks to his midsection and quads. One connects to the back of Luke’s knee and causes it to buckle, leading to him falling down on one knee like he’s getting ready to propose. The Sissy Saviour feigns interest like an 18 year old virgin being asked to the prom by the quarterback but then immediately fakes leaning in for a kiss with the baby ace crusher. Raike tries for a cover but Knux has a foot on the ropes before he’s even mounted the pin, so REF refuses to even go down.
PHILO B. POPE: “Knux knows right where he is at all times inside of the squared circle like any veteran does..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Hmmmm…. Luke needs… something… I bet it’s cause he didn’t meet me after the last show. That’s it.”
Johnny’s annoyed over the cheap trick and drags Luke away from the ropes. As he has a hold on Knux’s arm, the Suicidal Scumbag snaps a leg up and around real quick, rolling Raike forward into an armbar. It’s countered by Raike, turning the hold by twisting the arm then leaping over into a headlock.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Gotta admit, this might be the weirdest thing anyone’s ever seen in a wrestling ring. A guy in a sparkly gymnasts uniform and full-on face paint facing some sort of… I don’t even know what you’d CALL Luke Knux. A Vampire, maybe?”
PHILO B. POPE: “Vampires! Imagine that..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Yeah… hilarious. Silly fictional monsters. Even if Luke Knux is clearly sustained by the blood of the living… which could have been mine if he wasn’t currently residing in a REAL castle somewhere.”
Knux counters the headlock with an arm twist before it can be properly locked in and as he lets go, both hands make their way to the eyes of Johnny, raking his face! Both men are on their knees now, trying to get back up. Raike has a hand over his face which partially obstructs his view just long enough for Luke to shove him through the ring ropes he was ever so close to. The Suicidal Scumbag hops up to his feet and grabs a hold of the top rope as he waits for his opponent to get up, even finding time to locate a pretty girl in the crowd and impregnate her with a mere look. On the floor Raike is finally up. He sees Luke pull himself over the top rope with a suicide dive and decides to move out of the way allowing the rock star to crash hard.
PHILO B. POPE: “He’s going to have a hangover from that!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Did you see that? He just knocked that one girl up?! See it? Just by lookin at her! I can tell these things! What’s she got that I don’t got?!”
Raike rolls in and out of the ring to break the count, coming back out with a kick to the back of Knux’s head. He drags him to his feet and shoves him backwards into the barrier, which he follows up with a hard right handed chop to the chest. Knux tries to bail but he’s stopped and receives another chop on the outside sending him towards the barrier once again. Luke shoves him to create some distance but Raike’s right back on him with another hard chop, this time grabbing onto him after and tossing him back into the ring. The crowd cheers as both men are on their feet.
PHILO B. POPE: “I knew this was going to be more of a catfight than a wrestling match and here we are!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Well… I mean… Raike’s not letting up. Gotta give him that. And Luke’s safely out past sunset so he won’t be disintegrating any time soon, this isn’t THAT bad…”
Knux is the first to strike with a series of elbow attacks. He pushes Raike back and whips him across the ring, running to meet him. Raike slides under and through Knux’s legs, continuing onto the otherside of the ring where he bounces off the ropes and is taken down almost instantly with a hard spinning heel kick.
PHILO B. POPE: “Fast paced action just took Raike’s head off!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Sure, but will he notice? And Knux? COME ON LUKE.. DO SOMETHING AWESOME!”
The Suicidal Scumbag begins to drag Raike up holding him in place for a gut wrench suplex. He tries to lift him but Raike is refusing to budge so Luke lands a few hard elbows to the back of his head, which does the trick as lifts and slams Raike down hard.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “DAMN RIGHT!”
Knux begins to head towards the turnbuckle although he notices that Raike is already on his hands and knees, so this time he runs in with a kick to Johnny’s ribs. Following that he’s on the attack quickly, butterflying Johnny’s arms behind his back and launching him up with a butterfly suplex!
PHILO B. POPE: “Knux is laying it all out there tonight! He is looking to utterly destroy Every Sissyboy’s Savior!”
Knux points to the turnbuckle and climbs it quickly, making sure to give that girl in the crowd another look, just in case security didn’t know which one to tap on the shoulder with a VIP pass to Castle Knux after the show.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “HE’S CHECKING OUT THAT ONE BITCH, AGAIN!!! I’ll kill her. I swear.”
Once he’s ready, to the roar of approval from the crowd, Knux leaps back and connects with a flawless moonsault.
1...
2....
PHILO B. POPE: “THREE!!!”
The Sissy Saviour is able to kick out at the last moment, not quite ready to give it up yet.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “NO!? Who figured the Thigh High Thriller had that kick out in him?”
Knux has other ideas and uses the brief moment after the pin to try and lock in the Suicidal Stretch. Johnny fights it as best he can, eventually pulling himself towards the ropes in the process, allowing himself to triumphantly grab a hold of the bottom rope. Raike pulls himself up on the ropes as REF holds Knux back in the interest of fair competition. As soon as Raike is up, Luke has pushed past REF to leap forwards, grabbing his opponents head in a front headlock position and with the help of the ring ropes, he bounces from the second to the third before rebounding off into the air, connecting with a springboard DDT that flattens Raike out on impact!
1...
2...
Kickout!
PHILO B. POPE: “Get the fuck out of here!!! Raike just kicked again?!!?”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I’m starting to wonder if I wanna let that one bitch have Knux… I mean… he’s not even capable of keeping Raike down. Yeah, you know who you is, whore… yeah… that’s right. Uh oh. She’s eyeing me down. Oh… she’s coming over here. Pretend we’re calling the match, Philo.”
Raike is defiant in his kick out. His body shakes, pulsing with energy that is powering him on as Knux tries to wear him down with punches on the ground. Both are back up quickly, Johnny absorbing all the fists and elbows that are coming his way. Raike with a kick of his own now.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Say what you will about Raike… bastard can take a beating. Him and that Stevie guy should hook up. PLATONICALLY, I mean!”
A second connects to Knux’s chest quickly followed by a third. Knux is taken aback by this sudden surge and finds himself being irish whipped across the ring and coming face to face with a Pele kick on his way back which stumbles him a bit. A hard superkick from Raike forces him to stumble backwards, almost losing his footing completely.
PHILO B. POPE: “The hard rocker just got rocked!”
Knux is backed up in the corner, hanging onto the ropes to keep himself upright. Raike runs in with the Yakuza kick but Knux ducks under, hooking Raikes leg and within seconds powers Raike up high on his shoulders, turning and slamming Raike down into the turnbuckle with the Buckle Bomb! He grabs Raike in a headlock as he stumbles forward, signalling for the Scumbag Salute! Raike powers through it and lifts him up for a back body drop.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Shiiiiit. These two Knuxcases are gonna break some records for most twists and turns in a match. Get it? Knuxcases???”
They’re both up quickly, Raike sees that Knux is near the turnbuckle and runs in, nailing him with a front dropkick that bounces the man into the corner. He rolls backwards to his feet and charges in again, this time connecting with a vicious Yakuza kick.
PHILO B. POPE: “Now I know that’s going to give Knuxy a hangover! Or feel like it anyway!”
His leg lingering over the top rope momentarily, Raike pulls himself back into the ring fully as the rock and roll star stumbles forwards and right into the waiting arms of Johnny who caught him with a small package driver!
PHILO B. POPE: “JOHNNY’S FULL FRONTAL?!!?!!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “WHAT?! NO WAY!”
1...
2...
3..!!
PHILO B. POPE: “Wow! What an incredible match and a fitting tribute by Johnny Raike to the late, great David Bowie.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I know. Who knew Luke Knux wasn’t invincible?”
Just as Rhonda Armstrong raises the microphone to her lips to announce the winner, the opening strums of ‘Stranglehold’ by Ted Nugent echo throughout the arena, cutting her off.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Wait.. Philo.. you said that word… but it was at least an hour ago, right? Are these two on some sort of time delay?”
PHILO B. POPE: “I don’t know. Let’s hope they’re just here to get the main event started off..”
The BombTrax burst through the curtain before the breakdown has a chance to begin, stalking side by side down towards the ring, the ‘Press Pass’ firmly in the big man’s grip. Johnny Raike’s eyes grow to the size of saucers, and he can see mouthing ‘bullshit’, as Luke Knux rubs his head in confusion.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I thought Munin agreed to Raike’s contractual clause?! Looks like the BombTrax just don’t give a fuck!”
Rhonda promptly exits the ring, as 4Loco looks on quizzically, and checks his clipboard for the unannounced entrance. Both men reach the ring at the same time, and hops up on the apron as Press grabs the top rope, and rises up in one motion. Both men stare at the two men in the ring with baleful expressions, before easing between the bottom and middle rope.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “There are three things that scare Johnny Raike more than The BombTrax. One, of course, IS ME! Two, naturally, is nuclear war. And three… well forget the third cause the Damn BombTrax are in the ring and we don’t need to remember numbers no more!”
Johnny Raike is damn near beside himself as he shakes his head no, and balls his fists up, ready for a fight. Luke, more cautious, but not going to back down either, stands there waiting with a stoic expression.
PHILO B. POPE: “Would Raike ever team with Knux? Even in a moment like this?”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “If the chips are down, sure. Or if the price is right. Or if Raike and Luke became best budz. Or if they got engaged. Or if they were tied together in a lasso. Or if they were caught hula hooping or… well… I’m sure this is a bad time for meaningless conjecture seeing as Raike’s about to get a huge cash payout from P.A.W. for whatever the BombTrax are about to do.”
Press allows a wicked grin in Raike’s direction, and then winks at the most liberated man in professional wrestling, and jerks his thumb towards the rampway.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “He’s… hitchhiking maybe…?”
The BombTrax step aside, giving him plenty of room to exit. Raike stares at them for a second in surprise, but doesn’t hesitate to take the offered exit, diving between the ropes to land on the floor, and make his way up the rampway.
PHILO B. POPE: “Looks like Knux needs a partner, partner..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “No way. What did Knux do to them?!”
When the two men turn back to face Luke Knux, its obvious he wasn’t expecting that, the realization dawning on him that they were here for him. Luke shrugged, and then with lightning speed dove towards the two men. He caught Youth around the midsection, trying to drive him to the ground, but only knocking him into the ropes. Both of the smaller men began trading blows, Youth taking shots to the ribs by Knux, and Luke taking blows to the back of the head by Youth.
PHILO B. POPE: “This is ridiculous! I can not believe what I’m seeing.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH (with a loud, disappointed sigh): “Was nice knowing ya, Luke.”
The fighting spirit, however, isn’t allowed to last, as Press steps in and plants a vicious chair shot across Luke’s back. The Rock N’ Rolla slumps to his knees, and is dragged over to a corner where the two begin a series of stomps and punches that is nothing short of a mugging.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Well.. admiring you from a distance, rather. These buggers are all but gonna disfigure him. And we have the best, and or worst, seats in the house!”
Press drags Knux out from the corner, and sends him hard into the opposite side with a vicious Irish whip, and when he impacts with the turnbuckle, he’s sent stumbling back out only to meet the heel of Youth’s boot in a massive super kick. Luke hits the mat hard, reaching up to grip at his throbbing jaw, as Youth drops down over top of him, reigning right hands down into the man’s face.
PHILO B. POPE: “That kick had a whiplash like effect on the neck of Luke Knux. He is in serious trouble..”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Duh. It’s the BombTrax. Just be glad Luke’s body is cushioning most of the blows from hitting his sexy brain.”
Press tosses his ‘Press Pass’ off to the side, and exits the ring over near the announce table.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Uhhhh.. why is that Rhino getting so close to our car, Philo…?”
Youth pulls himself up off of Knux, and begins stomping at him, each boot sending him closer and closer to the ring apron, until with a final kick he’s sent sprawling to the floor.
PHILO B. POPE: “They’re getting a little too close for comfort!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “You got a window you can roll up or something? Tell him we don’t want any.”
PHILO B. POPE: “I want off this ride!”
Press jerks the Rock God up to his feet by a fistful of hair, and drags him over to bang his head off the announce table.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “SCREW THIS NEW AND IMPROVED CRAP, I’M OUT.”
As Constance and Philo vacate their station, Press pulls Luke away from the table, tucks his head between his legs, and then hoists him up, and drives him down in a perfectly executed Press Release Powerbomb. The table explodes into a million pieces upon impact, and all that remains of Luke Knux is a lifeless crumpled form amongst the wreckage.
PHILO B. POPE: “HOLY SHIT!!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “MY RESUME!”
Youth, after retrieving the ‘Press Pass’ and exiting the ring, takes a mic from the production area, and tosses it to Press. The big man hovers over the prone body at his feet, and looks out at the mass that is the Pure faithful.
PRESS: “You know, this wasn’t really apart of the plan.”
He points down to Knux, a remorseful expression on his face.
PRESS: “I mean, after all, I’m a fan of the Scumbags! I love Rock music! Last show, during the concert, me and Youth sat off stage with a few beers, and thought, man, this guy’s going to be a legend. Nah, Luke, we don’t really have a problem with you.”
Press smirked, and then turned his attention towards the announce team, specifically Constance Church.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “He must mean you, Philo.”
PRESS: “You know, I thought our first show was pretty good. We went out there and did something that few in this business care about anymore, and that’s making everyone look like a star. Making sure everyone in the match got over. But as we sat on our couch watching the DVD, we heard this constant malignant tumor pipe in throughout the entire fucking show, without a monochrome of respect for the individuals trying to put forth their effort. Matter of fact, this cunt didn’t seem to have a kind word for anyone except for one individual.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I called you a Yeti! Where I come from that’s the next best thing to being called the damned President… Help me out, Philo, seriously. I'm too young and pretty to die.”
Press smirked, and waved his hand to indicate the crumpled humanity at his feet. He then slowly strode towards the announce team, who shrank back from his presence, and came to a stop to loom over Constance Church.
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “Eeep..”
PRESS: “You see, Constance, poor old Knuxy here was an exclamation point for you, since he seems to be the only one around here to cream your Twinkie. It’s a friendly reminder, to you from us, that the next time you call one of our matches you’d best put some forethought into the bullshit you usher out of your mouth, or the next person that gets through a table around here could be you.”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “....”
He turned to make his exit, tossing the mic back to Youth, who sauntered over with a grin.
FLAMING YOUTH: “And before you go running to Sam & Munin with tears in your eyes, and all that…make sure to read the fine print in your contract. You’re on-air talent. It’d be all legal. And just let me say, Philo…….You the man!”
CONSTANCE CHURCH: “I-That… uh... I’m not afrai- Uhm.. Philo… you coward! You're supposed to be my announce partner!”
Youth throws his fist out to Philo who bumps it with his own, and Youth joins Press as they trek back up the ramp. Constance moves in beside Philo who simply shrugs.
PHILO B. POPE: “I sure hope someone, anyone, has something planned backstage!”